Top 10: Things To Hoard For 2012 Pt. 1

Well, 2012 is coming up and you know what that means! You have 2 whole years to get your shit together! Some people are going to build bomb shelters and others are just going to join some obscure apocalyptic death-cult. But the real survivalists, they are going to be stockpiling. But what do you stockpile when A) You don’t know how the world is going to end and B) What would be useful in the event of a full out collapse? Lets dive into this and weight our options…

Option 1: Silver and Gold


Gold, silver and other precious metals have been used for centuries as a form of currency and have been revered for both their physical properties and their rarity. This then, has given them solid trade value over the years. It would seem then, that in the event of a complete societal collapse, the man with the most gold is king. But in the event of  a breakdown in all forms of society, there are really three things you need to make sure you have: Food, Water, and Shelter.Will gold help you get these?

The only way I can think of these being useful at a time like this would be if you used a silver bar to crack someone over their head and take their stash of military rations.

Practicality In Apocalypse Situation: 2

Liquidity (In the event that the world doesn’t end and you need to try and get rid of all this crap): 10 out of 10 [Seeing as if you were to invest in Gold or Silver right now, you may just wind up a millionaire when the economy collapses]

Initial Cost ( $ = Cheapest while $$$$$ = Bill Gates): $$$$$

Bad-ass Factor: 8 out of 10 because what’s cooler than a pile of Gold? I’ll tell you.

A pile of…

Option 2: Guns and Ammo

Guns. Rednecks love em’ and soccer moms hate em’. But you know what? They are a staple in the “Crazy Bastard Grocery List”. How many guns do you think you’ll need when society collapses and you need to hunt for food? How about all of them. Seriously. This could be the best idea you ever had when it comes time to be all Mad Max and The Thunder Dome. But like all awesome ideas, this one has a drawback. The only drawback to hoarding a bunch of guns is that it makes you look like a crazy bastard. Hoarding guns is just one of those things that the government doesn’t like people doing. That and finding loopholes in tax laws. If you hoard guns AND find loopholes in tax laws though, expect an issue before 2012.

Practicality In Apocalypse Situation: 10

Liquidity (In the event that the world doesn’t end and you need to try and get rid of all this crap): 7 out of 10 [Alot more paperwork than selling your old walkman]

Initial Cost ( $ = Cheapest while $$$$$ = Bill Gates): $$$$

Bad-ass Factor: 11 out of 10

Option 3: Books

I know what you’re saying… “Whaaaat?!”

But I got to thinking. Who do I want to be when the world goes kaput? Then I got an idea of a guy, the only guy who saved books. Then after a generation or two, literacy would no longer be expected and ignorance would reign supreme! What would be cool would be to meander off into your “Hut of wonderful mysterious pages” and come out with “Stories of the Old World”. Someone needs to preserve the great literature of the world. You could be an effing mystic. C’mon. Grow a beard and work on walking with a cane. You are about to get some respect. Or starve to death. Better hope some big strong guy out there loves bed-time stories.

Practicality In Apocalypse Situation: 1

Liquidity (In the event that the world doesn’t end and you need to try and get rid of all this crap): 4 out of 10 [You could open up a mom and pop book store]

Initial Cost ( $ = Cheapest while $$$$$ = Bill Gates): $$$

Bad-ass Factor: 1 out of 10 :/


Option 4: Medication

Are you sick? You better not be. Pfizer is probably not going to make it through the end-times. Even if the building makes it, it will probably be inhabited by a bunch of angry looters strung out on whatever remnants they can find. But by hoarding medical supplies, you have secured yourself an important role in the survival of your fellow man. You want to play doctor? Congratulations! No PHD required! Just some good ol’ fashioned morphine and a vague idea of how to use a needle. You are now the only pharmacy in the New World. You think the healthcare industry is bad now? Wait until fire and brimstone baby.

Oh, one more thing. Uncle Sam doesn’t like people just hanging onto narcotics like that. He doesn’t like you cutting into his biz-ness. Remember what I said about hoarding guns?

Practicality In Apocalypse Situation: 9

Liquidity (In the event that the world doesn’t end and you need to try and get rid of all this crap): 9 out of 10 [You may have to change up your business model and not mind taking your sales to the streets but there is still a market]

Initial Cost ( $ = Cheapest while $$$$$ = Bill Gates): $$$$$

Bad-ass Factor: 2 out of 10 This kind of makes you look like either a drug addict or a paranoid drug addict.

Option 5: Gasoline!

Fire baby! This seems like an exciting idea! How about hoarding gasoline? The universal currency of everything with a motor. We are assuming that some cars make it through the collapse, so the main issue is going to be where is the fuel going to come from? Crazy bastards like you, that’s where! There is a HUGE issue when it comes to storing combustibles. The main one is that wherever there is a giant pile of filled gas-tanks there lies the risk of said gas tanks lighting your life on fire. So if you are going to just start hanging onto jugs of petrol, make sure you quit smoking first.

Practicality In Apocalypse Situation: 10

Liquidity (In the event that the world doesn’t end and you need to try and get rid of all this crap): 7 out of 10 [When's the last time you bought gas from a stranger with a gas tank?]

Initial Cost ( $ = Cheapest while $$$$$ = Bill Gates): $$$$$+

Bad-ass Factor: 4 out of 10

Just relax and be patient, I’ll be back with the second half of this list shortly!

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